Kako je počeja najbolji igrač svijeta:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUWYKNLqVKE&feature=player_embedded

Players

1) Victoria Valdés

Previously ineffectual goalie. He has recently improved his stats by desperately studying Derek Zoolander and mastering "Blue Steele". And one of the bald goalies in Spain.

2) Danielle Elvis

His nickname is "The Spider" because he is everywhere and plays like has a lot of legs. Oh, and also for his uglyness.

3) Gerard Pig-GAY

Probably the gayest looking footballer ever! That fucking beard with those blue eyes, it just doesn't go together. His favourite TV programme is Take me Out on ITV1 where he can oggle at Paddy McGuinness.

4) Rafael "Sorry Was That Your Leg" Marquez

Juventues and Milan tried to rob him and we stole him back.HAHA!Stupid Italians.

5) Carles "Tarzan" Puyol

Intensly devoted/brainwashed death metal-loving Captain of the team. Sometimes confuses his Capitan role with that of a Sea Capitan. Does one hell of a Johhny Depp impression. Secret love child of God and the Queen of Barcelona. He is known to have broken 25999 legs in his career till now!

6) Xawi

Puts the X in Football Club Barcelona X. He is also famous for his frog Jumps *stand up and dive stand up and dive stand up and dive....*

7) David Villa Park

He is part Korean and left Valencia in May 2010. Valencia has since started dating John Terry and Cashley Cole. Also known as "Gay hair".

8) Touré Yeahyeahyeah

Same as Daniel Alves, also a Spider. 8 long black legs that takes him across the pitch in just 3.6 seconds. Now plays for Man Shity as he loves the monies.

9) I'm in love with Himovic

A man of 8 foot 10. He mostly scores goals that no other player would be in a position to score from. ie. two feet from goal the goal hanging bitch.

10) Lionel Messi'ed it Up

3RD Biggest thing in soccer after his messed up nose and Ronaldo's transfer fee. He is known for quick feet, ball goes away from him as soon as he receives the pass. Rumored that he is unable to have sex with tall Spanish women for his shortness.

11) Bojan Grr-kick

A Lionel Messi wannabe, much younger, has smaller penis. He expects to get the golden ball at 2064 due to his short age.

13) José Manuel Pinto Colorado

"Pinto Colorado" means "Colorful Painting". Besides that, he's not a painter but a goalkeeper.

15) Aleks and The Hleb

Has no Barca DNA at all, he dreams of a return to Arsenal as London may be noisy but Birmingham is a shit hole .

17) Seydou Keita

He is like Touré Yayá, but smaller and faster. He also has black skin and a 25 inches cock.

18) Gabriel "Marshall" Milito

He is called the "Marshall" for some reason. He thinks he is in a war and the rival team are the enemies so he trounces their legs so they can't be a menace anymore.

21) Adriano

Not to be confused with the fat looking one who was set to end his career in Brazil, but some other random Brazilian no-one really cares about. Assassinated in December 21, 2012 by a terrible storm.

22) Eric Abidal

An Obligatory Frenchman who got banned from playing for the France National Team. No-one actually really knows why.

24) Andrés InFiesta

300 years young, this Vampire is a force to be reckoned with on the pitch. Is believe to be the reason many bats hang around the stadium. Only plays night games.

Nickname: Casper

25) Albert Jorquera

He used to be number 11.

28) Sergi Biscuits

His father Carles was the worst goalkeeper in history. He DIDN'T take any lesson from him, so he is a good player.

--) Martín Cáceres

His name is Martín, but he's not from Cáceres.

20) Ibrahim Afellay

Barcelona took him only for his beauty because he sucks as a player.

666) That Swiss Cunt

Famous for sending off Robin Van Persie in the Nou Campiouns League, for wasting half a nanosecond of his life after Van Persie mistook him for a man he knew called Martin.

According to the Spanish media Cesc Fabregas has signed his 100th pre-contract and will sign in 2014 for a fee of 20,000,000,000 euros set to be fully received in the year 2918. It is also believed that Xavi is a cunt.

Edit Past Players

• Dirty Diving Deco (Gone to the cheat team Chel$ea)

Deco is the team Ninja. He spends his time on the pitch diving around and making crimes for the ref and his team mate's, defending the runts on the team, like Messi, from the players on the other team. His motto is: Red Cards are just the ref's way of letting me know I'm doing my job.in his spare time he likes to go to london to sleep with slappers.

• Gianluca Zambrotta (The same as Ronaldinho)

Dirty Italian defender (Same as all Italians, but still an innocent pussy compared to Materazzi)

• Lillian Thuram (He retired because of his inability to run faster than 3 km/h)

Changed his sex, but never got the paperwork done for the name change.

• Eidur Gudjohnsen

friends call him Guddy. Barca fans call him the blondie because hes as useless as a dumb blond girl and has blond hair.

• Javier Went to Reject Madrid Saviola (So, Real Mandril took out Barça's garbage)

Nicknames: Javi, Savi, and el Konejo (The Rabbit)

too cool to be a part of this motley team so he thought reject madrid was the better option. He's gonna be thrown away just like royal pain in the ass always does.

• Sylvinho

Probably the only Brazilian in the world who truly sucks at football.

• Thierry Henry

Arsenal fans wasn't pissed enough about Barca that his best player got to sign with the catalan team...Barca's fans were however pissed over a player who can't do fucking squat. He also holds the record for most handball goals in a match at 7643 handball goals against Wigin Pathetic in a preseason practical joke by the manager.

• Oleguer (Went to Ajax to win the Champions League shitty Netherlands league)

Oleguer is his first name... whatever.

Best known for his role on "Friends" as Chandler's crazy roommate

• Giovani dos Santos (Went to Gay Tottenham, next Ronaldinho my ass)

Wannabe Bojan Krkic, With a brazilian father and a mexican mother, both countries are in a war for getting this future world class player in their national teams.

• St. Marin Ezquerro (He was sacked for being too good)

Patron of the team. Miraculous ability to remain completely unknown while his teammates shoot to stardom.

• Thiago Motta (Moved to Patético de Madrid because he sucked)

One of the last true pirates, he spends most of his time recovering from injuries using medicinal marijuana... that explains a lot, including his name.

• Ed, Edd And Eddy N Milson (He once talked about the black sheep and he was put in the black list)

Its Ed Edd n Eddy, except with a guy named Milhouse. But everyone just calls him Milson.

• Thierry Henry<.strike>

Dead

Club Song

Tot el camp, és un clam, sóm la gent blaugrana, tan se val d’on venim, si del sud o del nord, ara estem d’acord, estem d’acord, una bandera ens agermana. blau grana al vent, un crit valent, tenim un nom, el sap tothom: Barça!, Jugadors, seguidors, tots units fem força, són molts anys plens d’afanys, són molts gols que hem cridat, i s’ha demostrat, s’ha demostrat, que mai ningú ens podra torcer. Blau grana al vent, un crit valent, tenim un nom, el sap tothom, Barça!, Barça!, Baaaarça!!!!

All the midgets, are short, we are the blue and red assholes, doesn't matter where we come from, from the ass, from the pussy, just like that, we all agree, we all gay, a fag makes us brothers , Blue and Red in the ass, a shitty cry! We dont have a name! The whole world doesn't care ! Barsuck!, Barsuck !, Baaaarsuckkkkk !!!! Players Fans,Gays All united we have a giant orgy, There are lots of years full of shit, There are lots of gay we were creaming about, and we have menstruated, we have menstruated, and No-one will ever care about us, Blue and Red in the ass, a Homosexual cry! We dont have a name! The whole world doesn't care! Barsuck!, Barsuck !, Baaaarsuck !!!!

moze neki admin pobrisat ovo sranje ovo je prenizak udarac za VELICINU kao sto je BARCA.

allen,može te bit sram.nemam ti šta drugo za reći osim toga.

Ne moras ti reci, jer sigurno kad Barca dobije 5-0 neces pricati o losoj reakciji golmana ili obrane, vec ces pisat Messi, iniesta i ekipa su sastavili jebenu akciju! Jer do sada si tako pisao! Real je jos ne ustimana ekipa, pa ima oscilacija dosta, naravno da ce nekad biti rapsodija nekad muka, dok tvoja Barca igra s ovom postavom od juniora!

Problem Reala u odnosu na Barcu je taj sto oni ocekuju rezultat odmah, minjaju trenere stalno, kupuju nove igrace i ocekuju odmah u prvoj sezoni dobar rezultat. To ne ide tako, to je dugotrajniji proces.

Pisa san na pocetku ove sezone pa su se mnogi smijali, Pellegrini je sa Realom napravio strasan posao u prvoj sezoni, osvojio je 96 bodova, uz 102 postignuta gola i 35 primljenih. 3 boda manje  od Barcelone! Samo 3 boda a prva sezona na klupi i novi igraci u momcadi. Pellegrinijev Real je izgledao jako dobro, posebno u zavrsetku sezone.

Ispali su u kupu od treceligasa i to je sramotno bilo, no nije kup nesto pretjerano bitno natjecanje za Real bilo proteklih sezona.
U ligi prvaka su ispali uz niz promasenih prilika u prvom poluvrimenu doma protiv Lyona. Posebno pamtim promasaj Higuaina kad je promasija prazan gol. Na to trener ne moze utjecati.

Govorija san i onda da su ga trebali ostaviti na klupi, ja san prilicno siguran da bi ove sezone Real bio sa njim blize Barceloni nego je sada sa Mourinhom.
Zasto? Pellegrini je prije svega stvarao igru i u tome bio jako dobar. Real je igrao napadacki, igrao je jako organizirano, imao sam dojam da ih nitko ne moze pobjediti u jednom trenutku. Dominirali su. Higuain i Ronaldo su igrali perfektno.
U prvoj utakmici na Nou Campu su veci dio prvog poluvrimena uzeli loptu Barci i dominirali, imali mrtvu sansu Ronalda.
To je jedina ekipa koja je u zadnje tri godine dosla na Nou Camp i uzela loptu i dominirala jednim dijelom utakmice.
Igraci su naviknuli na novog trenera, na njegove metode, zahtjeve, taktiku i ostalo. On je upoznao svakog od njih.
Mislim da bi ove sezone mogli ici samo naprijed, nikako nazad.

E sad, uprava nije bila zadovoljna, dali su mu otkaz i doveli Mourinha, opet zeleci rezultat odmah, a znaju da najcesce Mourinho uspije imati bas to. Instant uspjeh. Dovedeni su novi igraci, opet je uslijedila promjena sistema igre, opet su se igraci trebali naviknuti na novog trenera i na njegove zamisli. On je trebao upoznati sve njih...
Cak je to izgledalo jako dobro u jednom trenutku, no Real zapravo nije izgledao toliko dobro kao pod Pellegrinijem. Barem ne meni.

Govorili su neki od vas da je Real puno bolji obrambeno i da se to sada vidi. Pellegrinijev Real je primio 35 golova a Mourinhov 31(jos 3 kola). Statisticki, nije to neka razlika zar ne? Mozda Mourinhov Real do kraja primi vise golova nego Pellegrinijev..
Pellegrinijev je imao gol razliku + 67 dok Mourinhov ima +56.

Mene je Pellegrini odusevio kao trener, Real je igrao napadacki i jako dobro. Izgubili su u oba El Classica ali nisu bili razbijeni u nijednom, ni igrom, ni rezultatom.

Sada je i navijacima Reala jasno da Mourinho nije svemoguc, da ne pali uvijek ni njegova destruktivna taktika. Sto sada? Kako sada postaviti stvari za novu sezonu, a opet se spominje kupnja novih igraca, evo su i Sahina doveli?
Hoce li Mourinho ostati? Ja bi ga ostavio, bas zbog kontinuiteta, nema smisla sada dovesti novog trenera, to bi vjerojatno znacilo da ce opet kasniti za Barcelonom u prvenstvu. No, Mourinho ce morati raditi na igri ako zeli skinuti Barcelonu, inace ne vidim nacina. Igra daje golove kako je davno reka Luka Kaliterna, barem mislim da je on. To je istina, Real mora stvarati igru, igrace za to sigurno ima, samo to moze trajati godinu, dvije a oni nemaju strpljenja koje je nuzno.