A rare sighting of Alexander Hleb playing football for Barcelona. Photograph: Gary M. Prior/Getty Images

"I like to pass, like in life. I prefer to give a gift than to receive. I love to receive a gift, to score of course – but when you give the ball to somebody you want to give the perfect ball."

Yes, it's the unmistakeable sound of a Frenchman banging on about blah blah blah being a bit like life, and life being a bit like blah blah blah, in this morning's Sun. Can you guess who it is yet? Clue: yes, it's him. And he's got a film to plug. Also in the nation's most important shout-rag, news that Carlo Ancelotti made "a dramatic phone call to Kaka yesterday", in which he "begged" The Karate Kid not to join Real Madrid. A man described as "a pal" – the kind of person Ancellotti might take bike rides, or go apple-scrumping with – said: "Carlo called Kaka in Brazil. Carlo is hopeful that Chelsea can be a tempting destination and his personal bond with the player can make a difference."

But not according to someone at Milan. "He wants to join Real Madrid," said someone, perhaps a man with mirrored sunglasses who rarely smiles. "Not Chelsea. This is no longer a moving story."

The same could not be said of the deeply moving saga of one man's love for Emmanuel Adebayor (starring Emmanuel Adebayor) and the impossible dream of a future where one man (Emmanuel Adebayor) finally gets to go to a big foreign club where he'll get paid more money. The Sun appears convinced Milan will make a £15m bid for the strolling, shrugging, gangling master of the corner-flag-toe-poke later this week.

And completing something that resembles a creaking, coal-powered, balsa-wood transfer merry-go-round, Arsène Wenger "was last night on the verge of sealing a £10million deal for Ajax star Thomas Vermaelen". There he is, giant sovereign ring raised above the scented leaves of his transfer missive, brow mopped by Pat Rice in the guttering candle light, preparing to bring his seal down with a great shattering thunk, while a 23-year-old Belgian centre half cowers by the fireside, drifting in and out of sleep.

Also in the Sun Vedran Corluka expects dashing Croatian right-wing-back Dario Srna to wake up and find himself being dragged roughly from the boot of Harry Redknapp's Rover 3000 Estate and left crumpled inside the gates of White Hart Lane. Elano has announced "I want to wear the Inter shirt", so The Mill at least knows what to get him for his birthday. And Mick McCarthy is about to splash out on Serbian midfielder Nenad Milijas, who sounds a bit made-up.

"The urge to play football is very strong. After living with all that adrenalin, it's like a love story – when you break up with somebody, you don't want to see her because it reminds you of a lot of things."

Meanwhile, in the Daily Mail, where the Mill is now hiding behind a big headline, hoping Eric sort of goes away, there's an EXCLUSIVE! Manchester City "believe they are close to the £20m signing of Barcelona striker Samuel Eto'o". But then, they also believe in sea monsters and that if you press too hard on your hip bone your legs might fall off.

Milan and Barcelona are "chasing Nemanja Vidic" through a crowded city centre in an old-style Ford Capri before eventually crashing in slow motion into a wall of cardboard boxes. Chelsea may nab Glen Johnson, who's much better these days, ahead of Liverpool. Ricardo Carvalho, oddly out of favour at Chelsea where he used to be better than John Terry, could be off to Inter. And Steve Bruce is "eyeing Darren Bent" through a tiny little telescope, grunting to himself and dribbling.

"When I was suspended. I decided I should also do something different, more focused, and I took up the trumpet. If I do have idols, they'd be Miles Davis and Chet Baker, but I only learned for a couple of months so I can't play that well."

Just like Miles Davis, then. The Mirror Liverpool are the latest suitors to become entranced by the cow-like brown eyes and flowing, tangled locks of the child-like Tuncay. And Manchester United have decided what they really need is another tall, skilful and occasionally frustrating £30m centre forward. Karim Benzema should do it.

The Star thinks Aston Villa want to buy Alexander Hleb, who was quite good at Arsenal for six months and now has a job running on to the pitch and celebrating in a tracksuit whenever Barcelona win a trophy. And Sam Allardyce wants to spend £2.5m-worth of real money on Alan Smith.

In the more sensible Times Chelsea have given up on Kaka and instead turned their attentions to French rap star Franck Ribéry. But Carlo Ancelotti will have to sit next to Ray Wilkins next season, even if he is being allowed to bring along someone called "Bruno Di Michele, a sports psychologist", who Ray will pretend to like in front of Carlo but secretly find a little odd. And if the Ribéry thing doesn't work out they may instead fling their complete leather-fringed luggage set full of cash at Milan's Alexandre "The Duck" Pato.

In excitable enormous-drum-banging Spanish paper AS, via Goal.com, Rafa Benítez "will now try to balloon" his valuation of Xabi Alonso up to £40m. There he goes, puffing away, sweat collecting on his upper lip. Louis Van Gaal wants Rafael van der Vaart and Wesley Sneijder to join him in easily winning the German league with Bayern Munich, then getting into some kind of pointless rumble with The Kaiser and being sacked, according to Bild. And Milan have decided they also want Michael Essien and his scarily inflated and oddly muscular head.

"If I'm happy in my real life I can do this job, I can play football without the pressure and I don't depend on the system". Thanks, Eric. Indeed. The system, eh? Pshaw.

Notts County set to be taken over by Middle East consortium

• Multi-million pound bid accepted by world's oldest club
• Deal expected to be completed 'within a few weeks'

Notts County look set to become the next club taken over by a Middle East consortium Photograph: Paul Tonge/Raymond Press Agency

A Middle East consortium is on the verge of completing a takeover of Notts County.

John Armstrong-Holmes, chairman of the League Two club, has confirmed that Munto Finance Ltd has made a multi-million pound deal to assume control of the world's oldest professional club.

The consortium is headed by former Everton commercial director Peter Trembling and Middle East-based Peter Willett, client representative of the Al Thani Investment Group.

Following an emergency board meeting on Tuesday evening, Armstrong-Holmes revealed steps have already been taken to ensure a smooth takeover process.

"At a specially convened club board meeting held on Tuesday evening, the club board discussed the proposal from Munto which was accompanied by proof of funds and unanimously agreed to recommend its acceptance to all shareholders," he told the club's official website, www.nottscountyfc.co.uk. "Two of the Munto group, Peter Trembling and Peter Willett, were appointed to the club board with immediate effect to assist in the process.

"Munto is eager to complete the deal as early as possible to plan for next season and, subject to shareholders agreeing to it, the takeover could be completed within a few weeks."

City ready to lure Carlos Tevez and Samuel Eto'o

Carlos Tevez may be crossing Manchester to join City. Photograph: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images

Mark Hughes has confirmed Manchester City are ready to move for Carlos Tevez should Manchester United fail to agree a permanent £25.5m deal for the Argentina striker, with the world's wealthiest club also keen to exploit uncertainty surrounding Samuel Eto'o's future at Barcelona.

Kia Joorabchian, the head of the consortium that owns Tevez's economic rights, held a two-hour meeting yesterday with the United chief executive, David Gill, aware that City are waiting in the wings should he decide to invite rival offers for the 25-year-old. The talks were described as "cordial" and ended with Joorabchian returning to London to consider United's long-awaited offer. The club had previously asked Joorabchian to reduce the £25.5m fee that was agreed when the Argentinian moved to Old ­Trafford on loan in 2007, a request that left the striker, according to a representative, feeling "humiliated".

Joorabchian will now put United's proposal to Tevez before informing Gill whether they have a deal, although a final decision is not expected until after Argentina's forthcoming World Cup qualifiers against Colombia on Saturday and Ecuador next Wednesday. The striker is currently in Argentina preparing for Saturday's game in Buenos Aires and is known to want to remain in England, and preferably the north-west, if the United deal collapses.

City will lead a host of clubs keen to sign Tevez should the opportunity arise and Hughes, has revealed his club is ready to follow their surprise capture of Gareth Barry with the Old Trafford forward. "Carlos Tevez is a good player. If good players become available then obviously every manager is interested," he said.

Hughes' wealthy employers are also believed to be interested in luring the European champion Eto'o to Eastlands, with the Cameroon striker yesterday given an ultimatum by the Barcelona coach, Pep Guardiola, to end his contractual stand-off with Barcelona. Eto'o enters the final 12 months of his current deal this summer and is likely to be sold if an extension cannot be agreed. The Barcelona president, Joan Laporta, said: "Samuel has a contract and we're very happy with him. We want him to continue with us and for him to retire in the Barça shirt. But the market is very dynamic and there could be surprises. He's a wanted man and we know he'll receive offers." Everton defender Joleon Lescott is another target for City, although Goodison Park officials will resist any bid for the England international.

City have shown they will not be held to ransom despite their resources by rejecting Daniel Sturridge's demands for approximately £70,000 a week to sign a new contract at City. The 19-year-old forward is out of contract this summer and expected to join Chelsea for a compensation fee.

"We have offered Daniel a deal that we think is at the level he should be at," said Hughes. "He is in a strong position because he is in the last year of his contract. He is keeping his options open, which he has done for quite some time, we just have to wait and see. Obviously I have made my intentions very clear to him I would like him to stay but it may be out of our hands."

Barry's arrival in a £12m, £100,000-a-week deal from Aston Villa is expected to hasten Elano's exit from City, with the Brazilian midfielder currently talking up a move to join Jose Mourinho at Internazionale. The 27-year-old's popularity with supporters at Eastlands is in contrast to his standing under Hughes, who views Elano as a disruptive influence in the City dressing room and used him mainly as a substitute until the latter stages of last season. "There are ongoing negotiations and I hope the Inter directors will go right to the end," Elano told Gazzetta dello Sport. "I want to wear the Inter shirt." City are looking to recoup the £8m fee paid to Shakhtar Donetsk for Elano in 2007.

Hughes, meanwhile, is deliberating whether to allow goalkeeper Joe Hart to leave City for a season-long loan next season. Hart was first choice at City until Shay Given arrived from Newcastle United in February and, with aspirations of playing in next summer's World Cup, the England Under-21 international is anxious to remain in Fabio Capello's thinking for South Africa. Newly-promoted Birmingham City are among those believed to be interested in taking Hart on loan.

"Joe is frustrated and obviously wants to play," confirmed the City manager. "We will look at his situation in the coming weeks and it might be to both Joe's and the club's benefit if he did go out on loan. He'd be playing on a regular basis and, given his ability, he would no doubt improve his standing in the game and help his development."

Meanwhile Manchester United confirmed that they have secured the most lucrative shirt sponsorship deal in football, believed to be a £20m-a-season, four-year partnership with the American financial giant, Aon Corp.United have been scouring the globe for a new sponsorship deal since their current sponsor, AIG, the American insurance company, announced it would not be renewing its £14m-a-year deal when it expires at the end of the 2009-10 season.

AIG's decision followed massive losses suffered during the current economic crisis but, despite the downturn, United are understood to have eclipsed that deal – and the lucrative sponsorships of Bayern Munich, Real Madrid and Chelsea – with an £80m agreement with Chicago-based Aon.

Old Trafford officials have held negotiations with several global companies about replacing AIG in recent months, including Sahara, the Indian financial services corporation, and Saudi Telecom. However, Aon, despite its profits plummeting during the recession, are expected to be announced as United's new shirt sponsor for 2010-11 today.

David Gill, the United chief executive, said of the Aon deal: "Today's announcement clearly strengthens our position as one of the biggest clubs in world football.

"We look forward to being closely aligned with the world leader in risk management, a firm which shares our values and is an exciting partner for Manchester United."