evo malo tiebreakera:

1. Odds that you'll be able to eyeball an interior lineman without a tribal-armband tattoo: 5-1.

2. Odds that the Bears' best downfield play is something other than defensive pass interference: 3-1.

3. Odds that Peyton Manning bitches at an offensive lineman: 1-50.

4. Odds that Rex Grossman gets busted in a compromising position on South Beach: 1-1.

5. Odds that Bill Belichick manages to show up and act like a giant baby in an interview with Solomon Wilcots: 2-1.

6. Odds that Billy Joel manages to have a booze-fueled motorcycle accident during his singing of the National Anthem: 1-2.

7. Odds that Prince forces CBS to go to black with an impromptu halftime version of "Gett Off": 4-1.

8. Odds that, in the culmination of a stunning ruse that dumbfounds the Republic, Barbaro makes the ceremonial coin flip: 1,000,000-1.

9. Odds that someone out there believes Barbaro is still alive: 1-5.

10. Odds that Barbaro and Fidel Castro will somehow be mentioned during pre-game festivities: 1-1.

11. Odds that the animated FOX NFL robot shows up and attacks Phil Simms: 100-1.

12. Odds that, by the fourth quarter, a healthy preponderance of viewers will be hoping the FOX NFL robot shows up and attacks Phil Simms: 1-100.

13. Odds that Rex Grossman will be distracted because he's looking forward to partying on Lincoln's Birthday: 1-1.

14. Odds that whatever Brian Urlacher caught from Paris Hilton affects his performance in the fourth quarter: 2-1.

15. Odds that Lovie Smith, in a rush of conscience, reveals that he's not actually a black coach and has been wearing makeup this whole time just like C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man: 1,000,000-1.

16. Odds that Tony Dungy, in a rush of conscience, reveals that he's not actually a black coach and has been wearing makeup this whole time just like C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man: 4-1.

17. Odds that somewhere out there Edgerrin James feels like a tool right now: 1-50.

18. Odds that he's with Eli: 1-25.

19. Odds that Ricky Manning Jr. will be freaked out by all the laptops: 1-10.

20. Odds that Miami and FIU are still fighting: 1-1.

21. The odds that Bud Light broadcasts a commercial so mind-numbingly stupid that a sparrow's soul catches on fire and dies: 1-100.

22. Odds that, while in Miami, Rex Grossman will sign on to participate in ABC's inaugural season of "Dry Humping with the Stars": 1-2.

23. Odds that Roger Federer will show up and beat the Colts: 2-1.

24. Odds that Gloria Estefan somehow, someway manages to inflict herself once again upon an unsuspecting populace: 3-1.

25. Odds that, although he's retired, Paul Tagliabue is somewhere in the darkened haunts of South Florida and up to no good: 1-1.