Austria

Pro Have given so much to the world, including Freud, Mozart, Strauss, The Sound Of Music and, er, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Con Adolf Hitler was Austrian.

Croatia

Pro Worthy winners of England’s group and they showed integrity by going all out to win a meaningless final match for them. The b******s. Con Slaven Bilic’s outrageous piece of simulation in the 1998 World Cup semi-final – not exactly the British ideal of fair play.

Czech Republic

Pro Prague is a great destination and the Czechs elected Václav Havel, a dramatist, to the Presidency. Mike Leigh for Prime Minister! Con Allowed Germany to beat them in the final of Euro ’96 at Wembley.

France

Pro Most of them play in the Barclays Premier League. Arsenal supporters are already used to cheering for French players, as are plenty of others. Con They’re France.

Germany You must be joking.

Greece

Pros The defending champions, from the cradle of Western civilisation. Cons Athens is the pollution capital of Europe.

Holland

Pro Laid-back people who all speak excellent English – probably better than most of us, in fact. Invented total football and gave us Dennis Bergkamp. Con All that orange.

Italy

Pro Everyone loves Italian food and has great memories of Italia ’90. Con They have inherited our hooligan problem and taken it on a bit.

Portugal

Pro Britain’s oldest European allies – like us, a nation of seafarers and explorers. Con Remember 2004 and Cristiano Ronaldo’s wink?

Romania

Pro They gave us Dracula and hence Christopher Lee’s career. Con They gave us freeloaders such as Florin Raducioiu. Knocked us out of Euro 2000.

Russia

Pro Beneficiaries of England’s failure, so let’s be big about it. And since some of them own Premier League clubs, or would like to, perhaps it would be wise to establish a good relationship. Con How smug does Guus Hiddink look today?

Spain

Pro Tapas, rioja, sun-kissed beaches and Fernando Torres. Con Bullfighting, José Antonio Reyes.

Sweden

Pro Sven, Ulrika, Abba – Con Sven, Ulrika, Abba.

Switzerland

Pros Chocolate, cuckoo clocks, skiing. Did we mention chocolate? Con The neutrals’ neutrals.

Turkey

Pro Famously hospitable people and increasingly popular with Britons. Con Those “Welcome to Hell” banners weren’t exactly great PR.

All together, then – “One Przemyslaw Kazmierczak . . .”

We're used to backing losers. And they don't come much bigger than Austria, who, luckily for them, didn't have to qualify. Arsenal fans must hope their old goalkeeper Alex Manninger won't do a Carson.

Croatia

Chain-smokers watching Sky through the pub windows have already taken to Slaven Bilic and if his side can play beautifully on a bog at Wembley, the Alps should be a breeze for Pompey's Niko Kranjcar and co.

Germany

Let's hope Jens Lehmann gets his place back - a tournament without his tantrums wouldn't be the same. If you're watching with a German, don't mention the score (5-1, that score, remember).

What, support the side that knocked out those brave Scottish warriors? You bet. Sorry - support them because they are the world champions.

Portugal

He was far too clever to take the England job, so Luis Felipe Scolari - if he doesn't change his mind - deserves a bandwagon. At least Ronaldo and co won't knock us out in the quarter-finals.

Romania They've been missing from major tournaments for seven years but students of unusual hair colouring might think they are worth watching. Phil Neville, though, might be tempted to hide behind the sofa when the Romanians are on.

Russia

We thought Guus Hiddink had been rumbled in Israel last weekend, but Roman Abramovich's favourite manager could be a lucky charm for Chelsea fans. And his players will enjoy the most lavish incentives.

Switzerland

As co-hosts they didn't have to qualify, but at least they've beaten Austria recently. A team for the neutrals and Philippe Senderos detractors. Liverpool fans still won't be taking striker Alexander Frei to their hearts - he once spat at Stevie G.

Turkey

If you don't back Greece, the Turks, who finished behind them in the qualifiers, are worth a shout. The Toon Army are right behind you, Emre Belozogulu. "Give us a B . . . "

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