Insider Trading Charges
The story claims that the FBI have arrested a Wall Street wizard named Andrew Carlssin, on insider-trading charges. The FBI claims that with an initial investment of only $800, Carlssin built a personal fortune worth over $350 million in just two weeks!
Authorities claim that every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which the FBI and the Security and Exchange Commission claim cannot be coincidence or luck.
"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside
information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he
agrees to give up his sources," quotes a confidential SEC source. The
source added, "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or
technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin
somehow knew about it in advance."
The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors
crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk
trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows ofWall Street watchdogs.
The Accused Defence
When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more
than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that
44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his
uncanny success in the stock market
after being led off in handcuffs on January 28. In a bid for leniency,
Andrew Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts"
such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.
Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years
in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one
of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge
of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a
fortune.
"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you
know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But
I just got caught in the moment."
Now all he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his
"time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine
or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could
"fall into the wrong hands."
Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are
bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any
Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."
"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.