Većinski vlasnik Foruma
Pristupio: 29.08.2006.
Poruka: 56.242
the metal fairy tales
HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few
beers and fucks the princess.
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted
forest.
THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins,
flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep
(because of all the dancing). Then all leave...without the princess.
VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty
axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals
her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and
kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her
blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess
next to the dragon.
GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in
front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks
the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he
fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it
for the last time.
GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable
for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he
could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The
dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of
the sad story.
GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The
protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the
dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and
accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death.
All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes.
The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to
the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene
gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by
security guards.
SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming
weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and
princess are still looking for the one who did this.
CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy
power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the
dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and
when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist he replies, "sorry,
but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."
GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color.
BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war
chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks
the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets
bored.
NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to
fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes
catch fire.
EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to
get the princess to fall in love with him, he gets eaten. The princess
is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
