When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sacha Guitry

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

  Anonymous

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The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?

  Dumas

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

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'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

  Anonymous

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'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison

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'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

  James Holt McGavra

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Patrick Murra

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Nash

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  Henny Youngman

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

  Anonymous

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First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'

Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

  Anonymous

Stef iz Stubice odlucio vidjeti zemlju izlazeceg sunca, te ustedio za put i
krenuo.
Kak bu putoval nego vlakom?
Dojde na stanicu kupiti kartu:
- "Molim jednu kartu za Tokio."
- "Joj, ne znam ti ja to. Evo ti do Zaboka, pa ti buju oni prodali do
Tokia."
U Zaboku:
- "Prosil bi kartu za Tokio."
- "Ne prodajemo Vam mi karte za Africke zemlje. To morate kupiti u
Zagrebu."
- "Nije Afrika nego Azija. Dajte mi onda do Zagreba"
U Zagrebu:
- "Molim jednu kartu za Tokio."
- "Tokio? Evo vama do Frankfurta, pa tamo pitajte za dalje."
Nijemci slozili Stefu kompletni aranzman i tako on nakon nekoliko dana
doputuje u Japan.
Nakon 7 dana upoznavanja kulture i sakea, Stef odluci da je vrijeme za
vratiti se.
Na kolodvoru shvati da je zaboravil traziti povratnu kartu.
- "Du ju spik ingli??"
- "Yes I do. How can I help you?"
- " Ajd lajk tu bay a tiket tu Stubica."
- "Sir, I can not sell you a ticket unless you tel me precisely where do
you want to travel. Is it Gornja Stubica or Donja Stubica?"

dođe baba u trgovinu i kaže: dajte mi 20 dg salame
prodavač: hoćete da vam narežem?
baba: jok, daj mi na sticku

Pricaju dva zemljotresa i onaj manji pita veceg "bogati, koliko ti vrijedis na onoj skali, merkalijevoj, jedinica?

Veliki "osam!"

Mali "na kurcu te nosam"

http://www.jasenmesic.com/?gclid=CN--qb6sgZoCFUsI3wodvir-FQ

http://www.net.hr/webcafe/vic/

Razgovaraju muž i žena, oboje penzioneri u poodmaklim godinama:

ovaj sam danas čuo i crko sam.....valjda se neće niko uvredit


Tuži se Musliman Bogu i kaze:pa daj svima si dao drzavu samo nama nisi,dao si Hrvatima,Srbima,itd..
a kaze Bog : vama sam dao k.... pa ste i njega sjebali