MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

David M. Bresnahan

April 1, 2006

NewsWithViews.com

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family,

and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across

the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few

arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,

immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the

same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that

I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting

the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might

need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the

flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and

lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy

access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any

effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the

memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all

police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals

on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not

want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes,

and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice

and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might

place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these

things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am

sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him

nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail

hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,

David M. Bresnahan